So do you have pieces of your writing lying around which you suddenly happen upon after months or years? This was something I had written in 2010 and after five years in isolation (barring a few glances by a couple of friends) these words finally get to see the light of day!
Today I smiled unexpectedly, for no reason. It felt nice. Wait, I err, not for no purpose. There was one, or maybe several. I can’t identify them all. Maybe because it was my birthday, or not…. I just know that I was wholly happy, i.e. no apprehensions about work, no self-analyzing, no what ifs or if onlys. Yoga does that for you, I hear, if indeed you need a way to feel so. Everyone does, I’m sure, so how delightful that it caught me unawares. Some feel this way while engrossed in an interesting book or a movie. Although, even at such times, you mind does tend to wander to a certain uneasy circumstance in your life, and your concentration shifts and you realize that you’ve missed the reasoning behind why Jackson embezzled from his own father’s company. You discover that you’ve been reading the same paragraph of page 142 repeatedly, for the past ten minutes, and still haven’t figured out why Elizabeth was crying.
There are today, a million and one ways to free your mind from any and all worries. To be at peace. Just tune in to Oprah or Dr Phil. How sad that we now need to wrestle with ourselves to find repose. Not fight per se, but to make an effort, a hard one. Oh yes, you’ll see the smile on my face, hear the laughter in my voice. But beneath this veneer, if you look closer and listen harder, there will be no smile in my eyes, my laughter, hollow.
Today, I smiled abruptly. I was unequivocally happy. No, I didn’t force my mind to visualize myself on a beach somewhere, or near the ocean. I just was blissful. In retrospect, I find myself wondering, why this one instance should be of consequence. Are our lives so disturbed, that a moment such as this should grab my attention? I shy away from answering this question, for fear the reply may be in the affirmative. Smiles, honest ones, may be hard to come by these days, but come they do. I take much solace in this. May my indubitable smile, and yours, reign, ever so often, and strengthen over time.